a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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