I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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