I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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