boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
