please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
