I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
