i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
