Don't make out with my wife yet
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
