beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
