My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
