Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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