You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Randomize
