ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
