i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
