The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
