The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
