She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
