I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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