The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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