are you still at the devil's house?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
