you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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