it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
