Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
