I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
my liver is dry heaving
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
