He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
