I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea