Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
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Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?