Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode