I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY