you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.