i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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