can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
