woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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