that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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