My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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