to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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