please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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