margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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