y did u give ur computer a hand job?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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