never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
