Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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