At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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