is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
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He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
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Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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