I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
