she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
