I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
