remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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