i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
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Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
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Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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