just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
