At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
