WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
