He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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