I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
