And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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