I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
