Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did

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(807): View more from Ontario

he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants

Fav 12 2099 6065
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(856): View more from New Jersey

She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism

Fav 16 1788 1118
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.

Fav 12 828 1625
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(317): View more from Indiana

Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?

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(765): View more from Indiana

So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever

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(940): View more from Texas

Did you leave ur panties in the sink?

(214): View more from Texas

Kitchen or bathroom?

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(519): View more from Ontario

I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better

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(310): View more from California

First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang

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