I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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