i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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