Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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