I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
