I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
