Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
