It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I hate all girls vehemently.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
