I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
