I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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