There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
