I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
