Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
this will be a night to untag.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
