I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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