So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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