I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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