I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
