I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
