I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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