Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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