Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
