I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
