Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well I just put wine in my tea
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
