If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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