You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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