wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
