Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
