Moan for me like Helen Keller
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
