We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
