My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
