...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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