I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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