you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
