She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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