I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
