he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
