I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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